


Dramatical Fan Fiction

by Sam_da_Moosie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mercreatures, Mermaids, Mermen, Wangst, and did i mention smoochin'?, angsty-angst, dramatical - Freeform, dramatical babby, dramatical man pregnancy, gdangst, mermaid smoochin', moosies, other merstuff, smoochin', tragical woes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4120402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sam_da_Moosie/pseuds/Sam_da_Moosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is gonna be real dramatical, so sit yourself down and get a big bowl of d'licious kale and mabes some hot choc'lit and get ready for all sorts of tragical backstories and humming and inchoate longing and also lots and lots of descriptions of everybody's eye colors (because that's REAL important).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee Shop of DOOOOOOM

“Shit” said Dean on account of finding himself in a coffee shop AU. “And I don't even like coffee that much,” he thought to himself in italics.

Dean decided to text his brother, Sam da Moose's self-insert, as it saves a whole lotta writin' to just type out text messages. “HELLO SAMMY DA MOOSE”

_WHERE ARE U DEAN ARE U IN A COFFEE SHOP AU AGAIN?_

YEP GETTIN BORED AND THAT HOT GUY CAME IN AGAIN

_THE HOT GUY WHO WEARS THE TRENCH COAT IN 80 DEGREE WEATHER?_

THATS THE ONE

_EW_

I WANT TO GIVE HIM MY NUMBER

_WELL WHY DON'T YOU AND THEN YOU COULD HAVE SOME SEXYTIMES AND THEN MY DRMATICAL FIC WILL GET AN NC17 RATIN!_

BUT HE DOES NOT KNOW OF MY TRAGICAL BACKSTORY

_WHAT TRAGICAL BACKSTORY?_

ABOUT HOW I WAS A NAKED UNDERPANTS MODEL

_WAIT HOW COULD YOU BE NAKED IF YOU WERE WEARING UNDERPANTS??_

But suddenly (because this is how things happen in dramatical fan fictions) the hot dude wearing the trench coat was at the counter! I'm not sure why, as Dean sure as heck hadn't waited on anybody else due to texting with his brother self-insert, but there he was, CASTIEL, sportin' the blue-est eyes that had ever blued, and now battin' eyelashes at Dean, who did we mention had GREEN eyes? No, not yet? Wellllll! He had super green green-y eyes like scuzz that grows at the bottom of a pool you haven't cleaned. And, anyways, they did several more paragraphs of eyeball-to-eyeball starin' until at last GABRIEL appeared.

“This isn't a Sabriel fic,” Dean told him sternly.

“Hello,” said Gabriel. “I am Castiel's brother, and I know all about his tragical backstory!”

“Wait, I'm the one with the tragical backstory,” Dean protested.

“Yeah, Sam really should make an outline for his tragical fan fiction,” huffed Gabe.

Dean hummed, because people sure do a lot of humming in these stories.

 

****

_Hey kids! Be sure to check out our next dramatical chapter, THE COFFEE GETS COLD!!!_


	2. A whole lotta wumpin' goin' on!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of stuff and things happen in this chapter, like pizza! But it gets real tragical, so be prepared, mabes get some Kleenex or some hot choc'lit or mabes get US some hot choc'lit (we take extry marshy-mallows).

Suddenly, CAS was WUMPED!!!!

“O noes,” said Cas. “I been WUMPED.”

Dean hovered nearby, filled with Man Pain, crying a single manly tear that fell dramatically down his cheek and splishy-splashed onto his plaid shirt. “Wumped? You been wumped, Cas?” he cried.

“Yep,” said the angel, who was wasting away on his deathbed, though he still looked sexy-like with plump, chapped lips and tousled hair and jutty-jutting hipbones that Dean liked to gnaw on once we get to the NC-17 part. “Must be related to my TRAGICAL BACKSTORY!”

“Your TRAGICAL BACKSTORY,” hummed Dean, since, you know, this is fan fiction and all. “But I thought I was the one with the tragical backstory???”

“Sam really oughta write an OUTLINE before he types these things,” huffed Cas. “You wanna join me in my DEATHBED.”

“Welp, that sounds good – scoot over!” And so Dean joined Cas in the deathbed, where they alternated having man pain, and also ordered out for some pizza, as man pain tends to make one a mought HONGRY.

“Get this!” said Sam da self-insert, who was visitin'.

“Hey, Sammy,” said Dean.

“Whatcha doin'?”

“We're both dyin' of our TRAGICAL BACKSTORIES.”

“Welp, isn't that nice?” said Sam. “I'm going to visit my GIRLFRIEND, who's an OFC?”

“An Officer of the Law?” asked Cas, who was busy eating pepperoni pizza and getting cheese all over his very kissable chapped lips.

“No, and Original Female Character! Her name is Chelsea Sparkleeyes.”

“Does she want pizza?” asked Dean.

“I'll text her!” said Sam, who took out his phone. “Oh noes!” he cried, crying a manly tear of man pain.

“What's the matter, Sammy?” asked Dean. “Does she not like pepperoni?”

“No, Chelsea Sparkleeyes has been KILLED in a TRAGICAL and completely unexpected CEILING FIRE!”

“Well, that was completely unexpected, being a female character and all,” said Dean. “Would you like to join us in the deathbed? There's PIZZA!”

“OMG Pizza!” said Sam. “Shove over!” 

“Hey hey hey!” said Gabriel, who had just appeared holding a huge boquet flowers. “I came here to comfort Sam!”

“For the last time, Gabe,” Dean grumbled, “this ISN'T a Sabriel fic!”

“Can I at least have some pizza?”

“Do you have a tragical backstory?” asked Sam.

“Once,” said Gabriel, “I had a nice little coffee shop AU. But it was all written in the present tense, and I got really confused.”

“What color were your eyes?” asked Dean suspiciously.

“The color of light shinin' through a urine sample.”

“Sounds good, well, hop on in.”

So there they were, all four of them in the deathbed, eating pizza. So you know what happened next? Well, sure enough, Death himself showed up!

“Ooo, Death!” said Dean, who was a total Death fanboy.

“Get out of my bed!” Death scolded.

“What? I thought I killed you,” said Dean.

“Kill Death? Are you STUPID?”

There was a very long, awkward pause.

 

****

_Tune in next time for, DEATH'S DESSERTS, or, GABE VS. THE PIZZA MAN._


	3. SMOOCHIN'!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp, you knew it was gonna get to this, didn't you! Here comes the good parts! Be sure to lock away all the little children and nervous folks, 'cause it's gonna get pretty hot an' heavy!!

So, Dean looked at Cas (who was starin' back, natch) and said, “Cas, even though I am a manly man who sheds manly tears and is all manly and stuff, I sure do have a hankering to SMOOCH you but good!”

And Cas said, “Hello, Dean. Despite being a celestial wavelength and all, I do think this fic needs some good parts, so I will SMOOCH YOU BACK!”

And so they smooched, lips smashing together, Cas tryin' to lick his way right into Dean's mouth, lickin' all around, on the teeth, and back to the tonsils, and even back beyond that! Until at last he found he was lickin' the headboard, which was probs going too far.

“Hey, Huggy Bear, I'm over here!” Dean snorted.

And then they got to the tongue wrasslin'! Cas's tongue got Dean's tongue in a headlock, but then Dean's tongue took down Cas's tongue in a flyin' tackle! And then Cas used the sleeper hold on Dean's tongue.

“Owie!” said Dean.

“Oops,” said Cas.

 

“Blorrg,” said Dean.

“Well,” said Sam da self-insert, “I sure hope you're happy now, Cas. Dean done sprained his tongue!” 

Dean stood by, his tongue in a tongue-sling, lookin' all sad.

“I'm sorry, Dean,” said Cas.

“Blorrg?” said Dean.

“You don't look sorry!” snorted da Moose snortily. 

Cas quickly locked up his big gold trophy for _TONGUE WRASSLIN' CHAMPEEN 2015_ in the curio cabinet and turned around. “Welp, I'm a bit sorry. Hey, lookee, Dean,” he said, suddenly sproutin' wings. “How 'bout some WING FIC?”

“Blorrg!” said Dean.


	4. EPICAL CROSS OVER EVENT!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, doggie, you are in for it now! This is the biggest cross over event since overs were first crossed! Hang on to your Moose ears!!!!!

So, Dean and Sammy da self-insert were drivin' across the lonely highway, whcn all of s sudden there's this music like the 1950s escaped and was runnin' all over the plains, and what should happened but DOCTOR WHO popped up in the back seat.

“Hello,” said Doctor Who. “I am DOCTOR WHO.”

“Hello,” said Sherlock (who for reasons we can't discuss at the present time because it has to do with the time-space continuum and is real technical and stuff), “I am Sherlock.”

And then you know what happened next? Why, they started SMOOCHIN'!!!!!

“Sammy,” said Dean, “who are these British guys, and why are they makin' out in my back seat?”

But Sammy was doin' 'portant Moose stuff, and couldn't answer.


	5. WEDDIN' BELLS!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp, workin' along real hard on this DRAMATICAL FAN FICTION, as you can see. This chapter features a MERMAID MAN, which I think is pretty unique, except for all those other stories where there's mermaid men. Now, don't get too caught up in all the DRAMA!!

And so Sam da Moosie decided to marry his OFC girlfriend, Spangle Sparklycheeks. Dean needed a date, because despite bein' real good lookin' and having a lot of teeth and a nice little butt and such, he was all alone and kind of grouchy.

THEN, who should move in right next door in his small town, but CASTIEL NOVAK, who was also a BYOOTIFUL MERMAID MAN!

“Hello, byootiful mermaid man,” said Dean one day when they ran into each other in a totes cute way. “Will you have a cute fight with me so we can make up in a real cute way and go to Sam da self-insert's weddin'?”

“Welp,” said Cas the BYOOTIFUL MERMAID MAN, “guess I don't have anything else to do. But write my novel about my TRAGICAL BACKSTORY that is.” He flipped his mermaid man tail in a sexy manner.

“Ooo,” said Dean. “Can we have plenty of MERMAID MAN SEX now?”

“Don't you wanna hear about my TRAGICAL BACKSTORY?”

“Naw, not really, no.”


	6. BOOM! - Pregnant!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another DRAMATICAL CHAPTER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You best watch yourself at this chapter because you might get TRIGGERED, or a SQUICK, or maybe a SQUICKY TRIGGER (which are the worst). This chapter is all about the terrible modern plague of ... TEEN ANGEL MAN PREGNANCY!!!

“Oh noes,” said Cas. He was six feet tall and looked like he worked out – woohoo! - but also somehow waif-like because that's what happens in fan fiction. “I am MAN PREGNANT.”

“O noes MAN PREGGERS!” said Dean, who really had a way with words and stuff and things.

“Yep, I am a poor teen pregnant Gamma-Delta,” Cas admitted, batting his bluey-blue eyes and patting his tummy-tum-tum, which was flat but also pregnant somehow, we're not really sure.

“Alas and alack,” said Dean because dudes ANGST, “our true love can never be, for I am a Kappa Kappa Gamma even though I have never told anyone because it is my TRAGICAL BACKSTORY.”

“Wait just a darned moose minute!” declared Sam da Moosie's self-insert, who was carrying an awful big book. “You two knuckleheads ain't playing but the rules of Alpha-Beta-Gama-Delta fan fiction.”

“Wait, there's a whole book?” asked Dean. “Are there pictures?”

“I got a question,” declared Cas in a declarative manner. “How the heck do I deliver this MAN-BABBY?”

Sam da Moosie's self-insert character quickly thumbed through the pages of his book and showed them.

“Ewwwwww!” everybody chorused.

“Sammieh,” said Dean, “nobody wants to see that. C'n we just skip ahead a few chapters?”

“But DEEEEEEEAN. What about the ANGST?”

“All right, SAMMIEH, let's all stand around an' ANGST for a bit.”

So they all got real ANGSTY – it was so dramatical!

“All right, that's enough. Let's skip on to the next chapter.”

 

_Several chapters later....._

 

Cas lay (or lie, we're not real sure) in bed and was all pale and sparkly because that's how you are after 324 hours of MAN-LABOR.

“I haz my BABBY!” Cas declared, and there it was, the cute little nugget. (Please feel free to submit plenty of FAN ART on the CUTE BABBY!)

“Yup, and only took 324 hours of MAN LABOR” bragged Nurse Sam da Moosie.

“I'm just glad we skipped ahead,” sighed Dean, wipin' a MANLY TEAR.

“I will name her WHIMSICAL SPARKLEPONY,” said Cas. “An' despite bein' a BAZILLION YEAR OLD WARRIOR of the LORD, I now will now hang out and go 'Cootchy-coo' a lot,” said Cas. “By the way, how do you NURSE a MAN-BABY?”

“Hrm!” Sam da Moosie's self-insert character didn't know. “Let's check DA BOOK.” He flopped the big old book down on Cas's hospital bed.

“Here, hold this,” said Cas, tossing the babby to Dean, who caught it ONE HANDED! Dean did a little victory dance. But then WHIMSICAL SPARKLEPONY's blankie fell off, and Dean stopped, because it was all dramatical and stuff.

“Wait just a ding dong diddly minute,” hummed Dean (because people do a whole boat-load of humming in these things we guess), “Why does WHIMSICAL SPARKLEPONY have MOOSE EARS????”

_Dun-dun-DUNNNNN!_


End file.
